2004-08-02, 7:29 p.m.
I left Green Apple last night with a guidebook to Brazil. I thought to myself, "Hey! I haven't traveled in a while. It's about time..." As I walked the ten or so blocks home, it dawned on me that this year, I've actually been to quite a few places I'd never been before (Amherst/Boston, Taiwan, Orlando), in addition to places I'd already been (San Diego, New York). In terms of travel, it's been a good year!
I hadn't planned on going anywhere until 2005. Mentally, I've told myself that I won't have my aunt past the end of the year and I didn't want to be gone when she passed. I also didn't want to spend a lot of money on a ticket if I'd have to cancel at the last moment. But I consulted with my mom and cousin and decided that my aunt would tell me to go. She's always been a free spirit and constantly uses the bird analogy to my parents, urging them to let me go and stop worrying so much. Plus, the ticket wasn't too expensive, and don't mind eating it for her.
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Bjork has a new album, Medulla, that comes out today. I also just read that the Trashcan Sinatras put out a new album after 8 years. I remember seeing them at a free show at Justin Herman Plaza with Radiohead (right before Creep broke out) and The Mighty Mighty Bosstones (before they were in Clueless)...I had their last album on heavy rotation in high school. I wonder if this new one is as good...they're going to be at Slim's on October 5. I think I'll go.
I undercooked some hot vit lon (balut for filipinos) this morning. I have a pretty strong stomach, but this was totally nasty. Cooked just right, its quite tasty, but I still have to close my eyes when I eat it. I don't think its something you can really eat without having grown up with it.
Got my tickets to Brazil--yay! Not that I can compete with the Brazilian girls, but I've got a little less than 6 weeks to feel comfortable in a bathing suit.
Assuming I can find an affordable ticket, I'll be heading to Brazil in October...YAY!
I feel older this year. I'm closer to 30 than to 20. My age bracket no longer includes 18-year-olds. Many of the songs I listen to are on KFOG's playlist. My favorite bands from high school are putting out "Best of..."s. I'm almost 10 years out of high school. My cousin's kids are in college and high school. But I think I really felt old when I realized that I don't have any grandparents and that my parents' generation is on the decline. Strangely, every birthday, I fight the new age. But this year, I didn't really care. Of course, recognizing that I'm old and acting like an adult are two completely different things.
My dad has plans to repo my car, so I've got new car fever. There's a price ceiling, as I don't want to make payments, so I'm thinking: Mazda 3 (5-door wagon), Scion XB, or Subaru Impreza/Outback wagon. Factors? Initial cost, size/length (I live in the city), maintenance costs, reliability, style, and horsepower. Basically I want what my Civic was but with better styling and a hatchback in addition to the four doors. The Civic never required repairs, never broke down, got good mileage, stayed under a robber's radar, and potential maintenance costs were minimal. Hmmmm...Of course, this is my dad, so it could all just be a crock and never happen. So who knows...
T is also in agreement that we are overdue for a physical challenge (almost 10 years since the last one for me). Exciting!
Unorganized thoughts...- Does everyone turn into their parents?
- Yesterday, my mom had the pin removed from her toe. She took it home wrapped up in a glove "for her memories"
- Coworker annoyance. Every time I see an email from him, my hostility grows
- I still like my job, but waking up early every morning definitely gets tiring. The reward is being able to buy what I want. Yesterday I bought Danskos, a brand I never ever thought I would buy. But boy howdy they're comfy and will help me get through a weeklong tradeshow. I also bought a dress to wear to a wedding this weekend and a few other things.
I never thought about it until someone made an observation while T & I were sitting in front of our respective laptops talking about spreadsheets in our living room...I guess I really am a yuppie. Ah well. I have a nice life.
It is also interesting to read someone's blog about you. I have become a big part of K's impression of what it means to be "American" despite the fact that I don't see myself as a typical American. Then again, what is "typical" and "normal"? Many of our actions are met with the question "Is this normal?" Sometimes, I'm not sure how to answer. Many of my actions may be normal to me or normal to the environment in which I grew up, but not necessarily normal to the rest of America. I think the question she's asking needs to change. But to what?
I've had more than one family member tell me that they're having a rough time with the loss of grandma, despite the fact that we thought we'd accepted the loss six years ago. But we're all in agreement that losing my aunt will blow us away. She has too much left to offer to be taken away so soon.
I'm worried about how my mom will take this next loss, as she's had the responsibility of taking care of ailing family members for the past six years. At one point, she was simultaneously caring for two bed-ridden grandparents and taking my aunt to doctor's appointments, chemo sessions, blood transfusions, and radiation therapy. In a few months, she'll have no patients left. I'm sure she'll feel the emptiness more than most.
I ate two crickets last week at work.
Even though I'm now closer to 30 than I am to 20, you're never too old for an inflatable house at your birthday party.
I wish I had Tivo for the Olympics.
I have cranky. Hopefully Ethiopian food, beer, and good company will do the trick.
Hosting an exchange student is very tiring. J is doing most of the work since she is staying with him, but the amount of effort is tiring...and this is a very capable twenty year old! I definitely can't have babies. They shit their pants every few hours.
She's a great girl though and its very fun feeding her American firsts: hot dogs, hamburgers, BBQ, Thai food, Indian food, etc. J & Kayoko saw something the other day that even I've never seen: two people (in formal attire), boning away on the Embarcadero. Aiyah! The big sucky thing is less time to spend alone with J and the fact that due to his mom's incredibly poor planning, he has no bedroom/privacy. Ah well. We have had almost six years of alone time. I can share him for a semester.
We also took her to see Harold & Kumar last night, explaining to her the importance of the movie. I was pleasantly surprised that the movie made me laugh as much as it did! Now I'm scrambling around trying to locate my Wilson Phillips CD.
I strongly dislike my intern.
After two hours of reading about cadavers and 3 hours of Six Feet Under, I ended up having mortuary dreams again.
Woke up to tasty carrot cake with no raisins. That was nice!
- I took my mom in for some minor toe surgery on Friday. The first thing she said when she woke up from the anesthesia was "Con an chua," (Have you eaten yet?) which is what all the moms in my family would say. It made me smile. While I sat with her pre-surgery, she told me many stories I'd never heard about her, my dad, and my grandma.
- When I saw her unconscious with all the tubes, IVs, oxygen, and machinery attached to her, it made me realize my mom is getting old (66). And now she has a gross pin sticking out of her toe.
- My dad has begun preparing for his own death lately. I find it more amusing than sad.
- I had almost forgotten my birthday. My friends had to remind me over the weekend...festivities are under way and I'm getting excited!
- Watching season 1 of Six Feet Under and reading Stiff has resulted in dreams involving death (in a clinical manner).
- Scared for my aunt. She looked terrible yesterday.
- Thankful to my friends for calling to check in on me even though I often don't respond. They understand the way I work and I appreciate it.
- I've been eating a lot of avocados lately.
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