2004-05-05, 8:37 a.m.
I'm not sure whether it is because he isn't getting the attention he wants or because he's getting old and senile, but lately, my dad has been living in left field. Today, he called me at work to ask me if I liked houseboats. He saw an ad for one in the newspaper, and if I wanted it, he'd sell his retirement and buy it for me. Other days, he'll call and ask me why I didn't come home when I said I was coming home (even though I'd never said anything of the sort). I definitely feel bad for my mom and my brother who have to live with him and deal with him on a daily basis.
Lately, just hearing his voice angers me. I appreciate all he's done for me as a father, but I really don't like him as another adult. He's manipulative, domineering, and mean. Having moved home recently, my brother has been dealing with the brunt of it. There's a reason I never moved home after college, and he's it. It saddens me that the two people he listens to in this world (my grandma and my aunt) are very ill. Since we have such similar personalities, I'm really scared that I'll turn into him (probably 50% of the reason I don't want to have kids). The other 50% is that I don't want my kids to feel how my brother and I feel about my dad.
I'm envious of people who have normal relationships with their parents.
Highlights from the weekend:- Kalua pork cheese fries and a bloody mary at Hukilau; tapas, sangria, and pomegranite margaritas at Ramblas; Lambda party (don't ask me how I ended up there) at Butterfly; saketinis at Ozumo; dessert at Citizen Cake.
- Long run on Saturday from my house to 35th Ave
- Fundraiser for an art collective my old roommates are starting in Oakland. A girl ran up to me and excitedly started talking to me, which I found startling. Turns out, I was her camp counselor when she was in eighth grade. Was scared at first that she was someone I was supposed to know. Strange that she remembered me.
- Derek's 30th birthday party.
- Sunday stroll to Crissy Field and then to the Fillmore for Indian buffet at India Palace
- Heading to NYC in June...haven't been there in almost 8 years. Yay!!
Exciting, yet low-key. I hope I never end up at an Asian frat party again.
After work yesterday, I went to visit my aunt, who had just been released from the hospital. She doesn't look so good, but as always, she's in pretty good spirits, considering. She's staying at my grandparents' house now...in the same bed that my grandpa used to be in. I'm sure the irony is not lost on her that she took care of her father until his death and now she's in his place. In the other room of the house lies my grandma, who's been in the same state for almost six years. She seems more alert these days, which means she's aware of her situation. That's sad, too. Going home is really depressing, but I try to visit to keep my mom's and my aunt's spirits up. I can never stay too long, as it is a miserable situation, often underscored by my dad, who doesn't get the attention he needs these days and acts up like a spoiled child.
I am cranky today. But I had some really good Mexican chocolate ice cream from Mitchell's today. Chocolate cinnamon-y goodness!
I went to the dentist yesterday to get some old fillings replaced. What used to be silver is now white--pretty! Since I spent over an hour and a half with the dentist, I discovered that he's an American Idol fanatic--last week, he voted for Jasmine 1,412 times using three phones. That's a little nuts.
When I got home, I was really hungry so I warmed up some rice and ate it with some brocolli and mushrooms that J had stir-fried. Since half my face was still numb, I bit a good chunk out of my lip. I only realized this because I heard a CRUNCH and checked it out in the mirror. I decided I'd eat later and J & I took a long 5-6 mile walk along Divisadero to the Castro and back. I like these walks. The last few times we ended up going through Pacific Heights and into the Marina; maybe next time we'll head west to the beach or east through the Tenderloin.
The next few days promise to be long as I have to work and then spend the evenings until 11pm with my aunt in the hospital. The family is taking turns in the hospital with her since she doesn't speak any English. At first glance, it seems we're overprotective, but I suppose cancer doesn't operate on a business schedule. I don't know how the sales guys at my company go in and out of hospitals every day. I can't stand the smells.
I need to figure out what to do with my hair.
I want gmail!!
I need to learn to balance exercise with being social. I've been going out too much lately and neglecting my runs, resulting in tighter pants. Some other things I need to learn: stop staring, continue eye contact during conversations (my eyes tend to wander when people start talking too much), and ask more questions.
Yesterday, I caught a (FREE!) 45-minute set at Amoeba by DJ Nu-Mark, Chali 2na, and J-Live (the first two of J5). Chali 2na (who was dressed like a giant bumblebee) has incredible stage presence and I LOVE his voice. They did another show at Milk that night, but I was too tired from the week's activities and fell asleep by 10:30pm. I'll post some pics from this set later...Pick up Nu-Mark's new CD, Hands On, btw. Other new releases I'm looking forward to: Beastie Boys and Ozomatli (in June). Blackalicious has a free show June 19 at Yerba Buena.
Gotta go visit my aunt in the hospital tonight and also a raincheck Mother's Day event with my mom (since my brother was out of town for E3 last Sunday). A mellow weekend is hopefully in store.
My Dell is back in action--yay!! I also finished sewing my skirt.
Things to work on: ask more questions and listen. I've been very social lately. I predict some necessary alone time around the corner. Two days in a row of going to work hung over requires some Mexican food to settle the stomach. Bye!
Things have been pretty hectic, so last night I took the time after work to sit at home and do NOTHING. Well, not entirely nothing. I ran some errands, picked up groceries, gassed up, washed my car, made myself dinner, and then sat on the couch to catch up on Netflix.
I also finally caught up with my friend NW, who I've been playing phone tag with for the last 5 months. He called to tell me that he's shipping out to Iraq AGAIN :( I've known NW since I was 6. He's one of the best writers I know and the most unpredictable people I've ever met.
I'm also taking a skirt workshop at Muse and am happy to report that Shannon is a great teacher (much nicer than that nasty man I took sewing lessons from last year). In just three hours, I've sewn half a skirt, which I plan to finish on Monday. So far, so good. Looks like I may even wear it! I'll show you pictures when I'm done.
Happy Cinco de Mayo!
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